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The room is bathed in a dull blue, while I focus acutely on the text cursor. Doing it’s best impression of a virtual particulate blinking in and out of existence. At least that’s what I’ve been told, perhaps the more science minded reader sees that’s sentence as nothing more than a guy with an English degree doing what English majors do best, completely misunderstanding the sciences. Regardless while a comprehensive understand of psychics escapes me, I think metaphorically the sentence is solid and while exploring the vast world of subatomic particles is interesting I must move on. The blog isn’t going to write itself and the text cursor needs to get moving.

In times like this, when ideas mock me by appearing half formed their full state just out of reach I feel a kinship to mayflies. Mayflies if you don’t know are nature’s cruelest joke, cursed to live on average a mere 24 hours. Which to humans seems terrifying especially when you consider how many days we’ve wasted doing nothing. To certain animals such as Greenland sharks which can live 400-500 years that time must be inconceivably short, granted I’m not confident they can put into perspective their own life spans compared to mayflies. I hardly can. Leaving near immortal sharks aside I bring up the tragically short life span of the mayfly in relation to my own life because I’ve put myself in a position to create in a similar manner. I work hard, be it on a blog or a video then post it, receive feedback and consider the stats but tomorrow I must be on to the next piece. Nothing lives long on the internet, everyone wants something new and I want to be the person to provide that for them.

This isn’t to complain of my position in life, quite the opposite in fact. I’m extraordinarily lucky to be alive at a time and in a position to pursue my dreams if only in a small way. The pressure to deliver for myself and my talented friends who I have somehow conned into believing in me can be at times worrisome and at other times paralyzing. However the internet isn’t going to wait for me to be cured of my creative paralysis and I must move forward. The mayfly may only live for 24 hours but their species lives on. Resiliency incarnate. To build this brand I will be as well.

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Commute

The noise is akin to Darth Vader exhaling into a megaphone. Original trilogy not any of the newer entries. The mechanical hiss slows the train, halting along side a sign that reads Boston Landing behind that sign and past a divider is the highway, my former road to work. When I would sit quietly on a bus marked 504 reading a book Infrequently and browsing reddit too often. No one spoke, beholden to a kind of unwritten rule. An understanding that my coworker recently transplanted from North Carolina and used to the classic southern hospitality once remarked was cold and off putting. Likewise apart from the occasional cough or sniffle the train car is silent. Until it makes another stop and my mind anticipates paternal reveals that never come. The seating is more comfortable, maroon leather and cushioned. The price is steep however, nearly $300 for a monthly pass is robbery whether on the highway or rails.

Seeing no other option currently I suck it up trying not to obsessively check the mobile banking app on my phone. A habit I have recently taken to. One I owe entirely to postmates when my $2.95 test charge turned into a $295.00 punch in the gut and far too much time wasted on the phone and twitter with their customer service. Eventually the error was reversed but due to logistical issues between the app and my bank I had to wait three days for my money to be returned. I’m told by one of my favorite Youtubers the service itself is great. On the incredibly off chance he ever reads this rambly piece about trains and borderline fraudulent charges I just want to say he can use my promo code postmates.com/gofuckyourselfPhil.

That malice is undoubtedly uncalled for. If a therapist were to give me advice they would likely tell me my anger is misplaced and probably stems from lack of sleep. Which is true, my new commute comes with the added bonus of my REM being interrupted by a default ringtone I meant to change three phones ago. The alarm which makes its presence known at 4:30 each morning has made me realize that this commute is potentially unsustainable. That is to say it’s lit a fire beneath my ass. Providing the proper motivation to either find a way to monetize my writings. Or conversely and perhaps with similar level of dignity provided by blogging I can do crunches until my abs are worth paying for beneath neon lighting, back against a pole, my parent’s approval forsaken. Because what is personal prose but laying your soul bare? Naked to the public for them to critique, point out flaws. A typo here and misplaced punctuation there. I should invest in a proof reader but ego and writing go hand in hand, plus what can I offer? Certainly not money that’s why I’m in the predicament. It’s a scary thing sending something out sans the shield of fiction. It’s almost enough to make me reconsider my current course and seriously debate if that G string is worth it, even in my current flabby state.

If my parents are reading this they have nothing to fear in that respect. I’m not the next Magic Mike, instead I’m just yet another guy with a blog asking his meager twitter follower count to read it. To those loyal followers who perhaps accidentally opened this link and are somehow nearing the end, I hope you enjoyed it and will continue on. To the rest who didn’t click.. I was going to say fuck em they aren’t reading this but that’s pointless and this is my stop.

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Friday the 13th: The Game Review

Friday the 13th: The Game, brings the universe of the movies to life like never before. Upon booting up this crowdfunded indie title you are hit with an unavoidable wave of nostalgia. The intro screen is distorted much in the way that VHS tapes used to be. After watching each logo of the creators flash by in grainy detail you are brought to the menu screen; a menacing Jason flashes about to one side the other showing you the options. Pulling the scene together is the classic and unforgettable “Ch ch ch , ah ah ah” or is it “ki...ki...ki...ma...ma...ma..”? Regardless this screen will get the adrenaline pumping and the veins to run cold with fear. You’re about to have to fight for your life against Jason Voorhess.

This menu screen while impressive is where the game falls apart. At least for the Xbox One version. I’ve played this game for probably two hours and maybe 20 minutes of that has been spent actively running away from Jason. The rest of my time I’ve just sat in the menus searching for a match. So I can honestly say that the game brings the movie universe to life in a way I never expected, by making it a sitting in the menus simulator.

So far as I can tell, as of right now the game is broken. Hopefully they can fix this soon and I will be able to fully review the game.

In the meantime check out https://www.youtube.com/user/TheLastoftheGoodOnes where we make comedy shorts and sometimes review video games (that mostly work). Thanks for reading and you can watch me shout into the void on twitter @thefakebmarr.

We Need to Talk About Donald

We are less than a week into the “Reign of the Donald” and I fear the country has made a dire mistake. I won't get into the political side of the equation, as I see that argument as redundant. I see too many people favoring the ideals of tribal lines rather than actually considering their true feelings on subjects. It is only human to be drawn in by the rhetoric of “our team is better than their team” in fact had we not evolved to value the camaraderie of clans it's questionable we would have evolved at all.

Instead I’d like to focus on the fact that the 45th president of a country I've been told is no longer great is a petulant child. Clearly something traumatic happened to him in adolescence as his emotional maturity seems to be on par with an eight year old.

Those of us who are fans of literature should be ecstatic that people are buying a classic novel in droves. Unfortunately the surge to purchase 1984 has little to do with literary interest and more to do with the parallels between the newly coined “Alternative Facts” and the well known “Double Think”. Perhaps most troublingly this addition to the popular lexicon came about not from some important multi country political situation but instead due to crowd size.

From the Houstan Chronical 

It is a fact that compared to Barack Obama’s inauguration Trump's was sparsely attended. However you must consider that Obama taking the oath of office was a monumental event and Trump was just another white guy. The size of the crowd shouldn't even matter, it is supremely inconsequential especially to the leader of the free world. Yet Trump seems to be incapable of handling the facts (they are the facts) and told his press secretary to combat the misinformation that turned out simply to be information. When pressed about this clear deviation from the truth failed stand up comic Kellyanne Conway brushed it aside as “alternative facts”.

At this point if you are a “Yuge” Trump supporter you may be fuming. Rest assured I have no agenda so far as political parties go, instead I'm concerned with the behavior of this man child. Imagine if you will that your child wanted to invite another child with similar behavior traits to Trump to their birthday party. He would be the last person you'd want to attend, at best you'd invite him reluctantly because you're inviting the entire class. Well we’ve invite Donald Trump to the party, he's the life of it now. So cheers everyone, here’s to the next four years.

Are the New England Patriots Killing Football?

The question is “Are the New England Patriots killing football through their success” a perplexing and seemingly counter intuitive question. A diehard Patriots fan who has known nothing but continued dominance for the past decade and a half might argue the question is born of “sour grapes” or the more crude colloquialism “butt hurt”. Perhaps my grapes are sore from the bi yearly beat down my Miami Dolphins receive from the “evil duo” of Brady and Belichick.

The almost Sith like partnership has produced 4 Super Bowl titles in seven appearances, six straight AFC championship games, and put them atop of the mountain so far as American football success goes. These accomplishments can be described by many cliches; amazing, phenomenal, once in a lifetime. They can also be described in a word much less superb than those adjectives; boring.

Tom Brady has been to the Super Bowl in 7 of the 15 seasons in which he was the primary starter. He's had foils primarily consisting of the Manning brothers but a nearly 47% rate of making it to the title game is absurd. They have run the gambit from scrappy underdog to evil empire. To quote Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight “You either die the hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.” For the NFL they are the villain we need.

The problem is real life is not so simple. There are no good people and bad people so far as the NFL is concerned. Just people, trying to win football games. In fiction the evil doers get their comeuppance. In 2008 we thought the dragon was vanquished when Eli Manning with the help of David Tyree and almost supernatural forces slayed the 18-0 Patriots team and claimed the Lombardy trophy for themselves. In 2012 they faced off again and again Eli was able to beat Brady. Real life isn't fiction though, the bad guy doesn't go away once defeated instead the Patriots regrouped and won the big game in 2015 and are poised to win again in 2017.

To paraphrase Niche time is a flat circle and everything that has happened will happen again forever, repeating. So too goes the NFL the Patriots will forever content until Tom Brady retires, which paradoxically seems less likely with each passing year. Human beings crave new experiences and the NFL is not offering anything new. The dominance displayed by one franchise is exhausting to watch if you're not a fan of them. I left the AFC championship game not excited to see if Tom Brady can pull out his record setting sixth title but questioning if there wasn't something better for me to do with my time on February 5th.

Perhaps my butt is sour or however it goes. I'm just a guy blogging about a multi billion dollar industry. It's no secret the rating have fallen this year. I contend that the predictability of at least one conference is a contributing factor. The playoffs in general save for the Packers and Cowboys game have consisted of blow outs. Our time is precious and I surely don't feel compelled to spend anymore of mine with that Franchise from New England. I wonder how many people feel the same way. The NFL has a problem and despite their best efforts there is nothing the can do about.

Post Script: In all seriousness good luck to the Patriots, I hope they win because all of my friends are fans. If any of you need me I'll be bitterly cursing the cruel God who would allow this run of success to continue on for so long.

Also I'll be on Twitter @thefakebmarr 

Yahoo is Tasteless

This morning around 3 AM Jose Fernandez passed away in a tragic boating accident. Five days ago he struck out 12 batters in a game against the Washington Nationals. I’ll be honest I don’t watch baseball too much anymore. So when I saw yahoo featuring a story on the front page entitled “Fernadez strikes out 12” I figured it was a write up about how a talented young pitcher was gone too soon.

I was wrong instead it’s just an embedded highlight video from MLB.com. No write up, no mention that he passed. Seemingly just there to get clicks.

Stay classy Yahoo. The people in the comments seem to feel the same way I do.

Who Did Negan Kill? The Case for Aaron and Rosita

I include these two characters together because if the writers decide to kill them off it will be seen as a cop-out to the audience. Ending the season six finale with a cliff hanger was a gamble, one that they really need to pay off this next season in order to keep the audiences’ trust. Killing off Aaron or even Rosita who has been with the show for a few seasons now will not keep our trust. However let’s play devil's advocate and suppose that they do decide to take the easy way out and kill off one of these characters.

The case for Aaron:

Aaron joined the cast in season five but outside of his first few episodes, and a memorable season five finale spent with Daryl we haven’t gotten to know him very well. Aaron is a comic book character so I don’t think they would dispatch him ala Noah in a savage and unexpected way meant only to shock the audience. I feel that Aaron has more to add to the story and to the group dynamic, perhaps even taking the place of the character who is killed off in the premier.

The case for Rosita:

Much like Aaron we haven’t really gotten to know Rosita. In all honesty she has had little to do outside of being romantically entangled with Abraham. As she is no longer with Abraham that could point to her story being over. However I personally don’t believe that is the case, instead I think her story is just beginning. She has primarily been used a mercenary for Rick’s group doing whatever he asked and killing without remorse. She seems to be someone who has adapted to the new world and I would like to see where she came from. She clearly has a background in the military but seeing who she is on a personal level could be very compelling. Much like Aaron I think she could be set up to come to the forefront with the departure of whoever meets Lucille.

In conclusion I don't believe the writers would chose to kill off either of these characters. However I have been wrong before. Just ask any of my friends, I told them that they would never end the season with out showing who Negan killed and yet we now have this series of articles. Speaking of which the updates have been going slower than I would like, but I plan to pump them out as quickly as possible. The next blog will be dedicated to Michonne. Thank you for reading and if you liked this please check out my youtube channel youtube.com/thelastofthegoodones or follow me on twitter @thefakeBMarr.