Ego

The life of an artist consists primarily of selfish pleas, sleepless nights and constant worry. It’s both exhilarating and terrifying at once. To be persuaded by the right side of the brain into releasing personal works for public consumption is an evolutionary trait that perplexes.

I’ve know this lifestyle all to well, true I’ve never been the starving artist stereotype, take one look at any of the videos I’ve produced and that’s clear. In the background however, on my free time from work or school I’ve always pursued my passions with varying levels of urgency. To date I’ve been involved in roughly 304 videos on three YouTube channels, 105 podcast episodes and countless status updates and tweets aimed to amuse.

None of these projects have brought me the success I’ve aimed for yet, there are outliers, a sketch about a business meeting tallied an at the time impressive number of views and just recently a video updating the status of the much beloved show “The Boondocks” blew up in a small way boosting our subscriber base. These brief brushes with internet notoriety gave me the feeling I’ve been longing for. The ego stroke if I’m being brutally honest and putting aside my compulsive need to be liked by everyone for a moment, I felt was long overdue.

That’s the balance of being an artist it seems, when does art for art’s sake give way to ego. Are you truly not an artist if you aren’t content with toiling in obscurity? That question follows me, poking at the very essence of my being. Am I an artist or just a guy starving for attention?

“Look at me, I’m making a joke, I’m reviewing a new movie, I’m talking about a tv show the majority of the people on Earth only have a vague recollection of, leave a thumbs up or subscribe so I can have this entire venture validated in some small way,”

In many ways I feel selfish as an artist, greedy even. True as of yet I’ve never asked for a dime, but I do ask for people’s time and social currency.

“Don’t forget to share this with your friends, it helps the channel out,”

The artist in me is content to create forever for a small circle of people who are interested. But as always my ego just wants more. The life of an artist is about balancing these two opposing forces. The life of an artist is my life.

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