I’ll probably delete this at some point because I hate being sincere online. The past couple of years have been quite mentally taxing, I’m sure that’s a sentiment many can relate to.
Having a chronic medical condition that leaves me feeling sick almost every day, and having to take medication that suppress my immune system during a pandemic has left me living in a constant state of worry. I’m not on edge every moment of every day, that would make living life completely untenable. However the worry has become a part of the background noise of life, a dull hum barely audible, but ever present. I’ve been doing everything I can to ensure that my risk factors are limited. From staying at home as much as possible to getting vaccinated as soon as I was allowed.
However nothing is guaranteed, no one can ever give me a good answer on how effective the vaccine is for immunocompromised people. Often times when someone who was vaccinated dies it is brushed off as “well they were immunocompromised” which fair enough, but being in the category makes the humming louder, something that can’t be as easily ignored.
I also feel that everyone is so over the pandemic that returning to normal life seems inevitable, and the stress of not feeling personally comfortable with that, mixed with feeling like you’re letting people down by not being willing to return to normal life is tough to put it mildly. In the beginning I had hoped that we would rally as a collective to get through the worst of it, however that hasn’t been the case. With new variants on the horizon and people still after all this time refusing to get vaccinated and take precautions I just don’t see a light at the end of a tunnel. Instead just a perpetual groundhog day, as my ears fill with the ominous hum of apathy, something in which I can not afford to indulge.
